I went to watch the Mariinsky Ballet and their production of Swan Lake last night and it was amazing! So beautiful. They’re known to be one of the best ballet companies in the world and rightfully so. The technique was perfect. There were a few mistakes that my dancer eye caught, but that only shows that they are human. Ekaterina Kondaurova danced Odette/Odile and as I watched her, all I could think was, prima ballerina. She was flawless, emotional, graceful, and so many other adjectives and synonyms that I could list. I becamed teary eyed during the first pas de deux in the second act, one of the first times she danced. It was breathtaking. That was by far my favorite part. I am now able to cross watching a Russian ballet company perform off my list of things to do. I’m so glad that I was able to watch them perform Swan Lake.
At the same time that I was watching the performance, a few thoughts were running through my head. I did ballet for 14 years before I quit before starting college. I loved it so much, being able to take class, working on technique, and improving yourself as a dancer. The best part was being able to perform, showing the crowd how hard you’ve worked, hearing their applause, knowing that all your hard work has paid off. I always loved going to dance class because it was a way for me to escape the stress of being a high school student (all those APs and drama…). I could be free and didn’t really have to talk to anyone while I danced. Although it was something I loved a lot, I knew I couldn’t make a career out of it. I was too short, I didn’t have enough experience, and I wasn’t good enough. I never once thought of myself becoming a ballet dancer in my future. In yearly performances, I was able to do a few solo parts for my studio’s ballet company but I was nothing compared to some of the people from my studio who later went on to professional companies. However, I was so grateful for having the opportunities to dance those parts.
As I watched the dancers, I thought about how lucky they are to be doing a job that they love. Dancing, performing for a living, going to ballet class, perfecting their craft. Even though I don’t want to be a dancer, I hope to be able to find a job that I love. Something where I would want to go into my job and strive for perfection, even though it’s unattainable. I was watching Jiro Dreams of Sushi and Jiro, the sushi master, has been making sushi for about 75 years and he keeps striving for perfection because he doesn’t believe he has reached it yet, even though foodies could say otherwise. He loves his job and would rather go to work than take a vacation. This is what I want in my future: to do something that I’m truly passionate about. Maybe not to the extent that I would want to work instead of taking a vacation since I love taking a break too and I would put family over work. Even now, I love the club that I’m in charge of but I would put that aside to be with my family or boyfriend. I want and need love in my life. It keeps me going.
I want to find something that I am passionate about but will allow me to balance family and work. I’m not sure what that is yet but I’m hoping that I will be be able to find it. Right now I’m trying to make my last year of college the best I can make it and I’m hoping the path I’m steering myself in is one that will lead me to something that I will truly love. If it isn’t the right path, hopefully I will see that as quickly as possible.
It’s weird and scary to think that after this year, I’m basically out in the real world. These thoughts are going to be on my mind for a while.