Happy 4th of July! I feel like 4th of July is a day of inspiration, all of the lights, all of the clamor, all of the magical moments you can make with your friends and family. Today I wanted to talk about what inspires me. What inspires me is a person I’ve known for almost 2 years. She has helped me find a home, a true home from a clouded and confusing life. I met her one day in class, and she came up to me and said “Have you been to Disneyland?” I replied “I have not.” With those little exchanges we had sparked a relationship I felt to be true love. It is true love. Everyday from that day, every part of my organ and muscles tingled and still tingling with excitement. I have grown a lot as a person. She had taught me to be patient and understanding. She made me a man who is looked upon with respect, and a little boy who didn’t know cute things can come out of his mouth. I’m expressing this because she is going to go to Japan soon, and I am so proud of her. I’m trying to make everyday count. As I type this message, you have no idea how hard it is for me to write this without tearing up. I’m pretty much stopping and starting with every sentence because I don’t want my roommate to see me cry. But I love you Mallory. I will do anything for you. This is a reminder for me to keep being inspired to be better. Work hard for us. This is a message to all you lovebirds. Love is true, and I never understood it before. If you are not with anyone, well you will one day. Just remember I was an ugly guy who was lucky enough to sit next to someone so caring by chance (faith).
I’m taking a break from posting about my spring break trip to Disney World to do an Inspiration Sunday. I’ve finally decided on how to structure this post and I’m going to leave out the clothes and any other things I want, and save that for another section I’ll start. This is where I’ll post what inspired me the most throughout the week, ranging from something small to something big. I want to look at what happened and be inspired by what’s around me. I’m not that good at writing about my emotions, but I will work on it and hopefully through these posts I will improve!
This week, I was inspired the most by no other than, Mark. He always inspires me to be the best that I can be, but this week especially, showed me how much we’ve grown as people and as a couple.
I found out some good news (which I will talk about later in the month) about an opportunity that I’ve been dreaming about since the beginning of college. I got it. I still can’t believe that it’s actually going to happen, but it’s going to be a tough journey. I’m going to have to move very far away, possibly leaving him here. Mark and I knew it was going to be tough, but he supported me the whole way and still supports me now.
I’ve never been so happy to have a guy like Mark in my life. He’s letting me follow my dreams, even if it means that we’ll be apart. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with him more than anything in the world and I start tearing up at the thought of us being apart. It feels like someone is punching me straight in the heart. This guy is my best friend and I love him very much.
We had a conversation about the future and we told each other, “Don’t let me hold you back from achieving your dreams. You don’t want to regret not doing something you want to do.” Over the past year and a half, we’ve grown so strong together. We’ve learned a lot about sacrifice and compromise. It takes a lot of courage and trust to be able to be able to do these things. LIFE IS HARD. But we can get through this. I know we can. I know that the best will come out of it and we’re not stopping until we figure out the path that is the best for both of us.
Mark also wants to do what I’m going to do, so we’re both searching for opportunities he can apply for, but in the meantime, we’re going to cherish every moment we have together and make these last months in college (or while he’s in college) the best.
Hey Mark, SMORES FOR LIFE.
I went to watch the Mariinsky Ballet and their production of Swan Lake last night and it was amazing! So beautiful. They’re known to be one of the best ballet companies in the world and rightfully so. The technique was perfect. There were a few mistakes that my dancer eye caught, but that only shows that they are human. Ekaterina Kondaurova danced Odette/Odile and as I watched her, all I could think was, prima ballerina. She was flawless, emotional, graceful, and so many other adjectives and synonyms that I could list. I becamed teary eyed during the first pas de deux in the second act, one of the first times she danced. It was breathtaking. That was by far my favorite part. I am now able to cross watching a Russian ballet company perform off my list of things to do. I’m so glad that I was able to watch them perform Swan Lake.
At the same time that I was watching the performance, a few thoughts were running through my head. I did ballet for 14 years before I quit before starting college. I loved it so much, being able to take class, working on technique, and improving yourself as a dancer. The best part was being able to perform, showing the crowd how hard you’ve worked, hearing their applause, knowing that all your hard work has paid off. I always loved going to dance class because it was a way for me to escape the stress of being a high school student (all those APs and drama…). I could be free and didn’t really have to talk to anyone while I danced. Although it was something I loved a lot, I knew I couldn’t make a career out of it. I was too short, I didn’t have enough experience, and I wasn’t good enough. I never once thought of myself becoming a ballet dancer in my future. In yearly performances, I was able to do a few solo parts for my studio’s ballet company but I was nothing compared to some of the people from my studio who later went on to professional companies. However, I was so grateful for having the opportunities to dance those parts.
As I watched the dancers, I thought about how lucky they are to be doing a job that they love. Dancing, performing for a living, going to ballet class, perfecting their craft. Even though I don’t want to be a dancer, I hope to be able to find a job that I love. Something where I would want to go into my job and strive for perfection, even though it’s unattainable. I was watching Jiro Dreams of Sushi and Jiro, the sushi master, has been making sushi for about 75 years and he keeps striving for perfection because he doesn’t believe he has reached it yet, even though foodies could say otherwise. He loves his job and would rather go to work than take a vacation. This is what I want in my future: to do something that I’m truly passionate about. Maybe not to the extent that I would want to work instead of taking a vacation since I love taking a break too and I would put family over work. Even now, I love the club that I’m in charge of but I would put that aside to be with my family or boyfriend. I want and need love in my life. It keeps me going.
I want to find something that I am passionate about but will allow me to balance family and work. I’m not sure what that is yet but I’m hoping that I will be be able to find it. Right now I’m trying to make my last year of college the best I can make it and I’m hoping the path I’m steering myself in is one that will lead me to something that I will truly love. If it isn’t the right path, hopefully I will see that as quickly as possible.
It’s weird and scary to think that after this year, I’m basically out in the real world. These thoughts are going to be on my mind for a while.